Eat Pray Love

Culturally, though not theologically, I'm a Christian. I was born Catholic of the Hispanic persuasion. And while I do love the great teacher of peace who is called Jesus,and while I do reserve the right to ask myself in certain trying situations what indeed He would do, I can't swallow that one fixed rule of Christianity insisting that Christ is the only path to God. Strictly speaking, then, I cannot call myself a Christian. Most of the Christians I know accept my feelings on this with grace and open mindedness.
Traditionally, I have responded to the transcendent mystics of all religions. I have always responded with breathless excitement to anyone who has ever said that God does not live in a dogmatic scripture or in a distant throne in the sky, but indeed abides very close to us indeed- much closer than we can imagine, breathing right through our own hearts. I respond with gratitude to anyone who has ever voyaged to the center of that heart, and who has then returned to the world with a report for the rest of us that God is an experience of supreme love. In every religious tradition on earth , there have always been mystical saints who report exactly this experience. Unfortunately many of them have ended up arrested and killed. Still, I think very highly of them.
In the end, what I have come to believe about God is simple. It's like this- I used to have this really great dog. She came from the pound. She was a mixture of about ten different breeds, but seemed to have inherited the finest features of them all. She was brown. When people asked me, “what kind of dog is that?” I would always give the same answer: 'She is a brown dog.” Similarly, when the question is raised, “what kind of God do you believe in?” my answer is easy: “I believe in a magnificent God.” -Eat Pray Love

This really sums it up for me. I wish I could take credit to writing it, but I'm always searching for a way to say it like I mean it. I really LOVED that book, Elizabeth Gilbert and I share alot of similarities. I'll probably quote her more in the future.

Cold

I woke up today to a very cold, snowy morning. I really like the snow, but hate being cold. I feel however that spring is closer than we think. I'm really looking forward to the trees filling up full with lush, green leaves and the smell of fresh cut grass mixed with the savory smell of BBQ. Ya, I think I'm ready for the season to change and I know, it's only January. This summer is going to be good, I can feel it. I will take advantage of it.
I decided to do the Danskin Triathlon this summer, for sure. Yes, you heard it from the horses mouth. I feel I have something to prove to myself. I'm not sure what, but something. I really want to get in the best shape of my life and I know if I set a goal it will drive me. Nothing tastes as good as feeling thin does.
Here's to achieving my goals!

A little off track.
I know I've been a blog-lagger. A blog-crastinator, if you will. And I'm sorry.But there's something in the air that's made it really hard for me to click open my Internet Explorer browser. I'm not exactly sure why. For some time I've wanted change and am having trouble moving in that direction. Lemme break it down for you:

1. I have no idea what I'm doing regarding school. I really want to go for nursing but I can't seem to get on it with that..
2. Any time I start a new diet, I'm really excited about it for approximately 1 week. Then I start to resent it. Then the resentment turns to defiance, and I'm back to square one. It's a vicious cycle.
3. My kids are growing up so fast, I can hardly keep up! Isaiah is growing leaps and bounds, he tugs hard on my heart strings making me want him to stay small forever and ever. Starting with his cute smile and big blue eyes. As for Sabrina and Kiara there's times I'd like to lock them in the closet and open the door when they turn 18. Haha.. But really, Kiara is at the age where she's to old to be a cute little girl and to young to be a teenager, her moods are so up and down I'm just waiting for her to start her period already! And as for the infamous Sabrina Lane, I don't care if I never hear another story about her drama with BOYSBOYSBOYS. Tell me why again I wanted to have 3 children?
4. Speaking of boys, my wonderful,forgiving, patient, handsome, loving husband...Ahh, I just thank God for him EVERYDAY. Its just I feel bad I have such low self-esteem these days that he gets the grunt of it. He still stands by my side however, loving me for who I am. No matter what I look like. Or does he? Well I cant go there. I'm just very happy I have him.

I could go on. But I won't, mainly because it's the never ending story of my bullshit.
I started this blog so I could express my ideas and my feelings and my thoughts about my life in a constructive way. And the only thing I gained by not posting was a bunch of muddled up thoughts and a lot of free time not spend on Blogger.
In which I did nothing. True to form.
Bottom line is, I need this blog just as much as it needs me. And not sharing my problems and troubles doesn't make them go away. The fact of the matter is this is really just like a diary, a very public one. One that holds me accountable.
And sometimes, when you're a girl with a tendency to let the emotional things slide, accountability is just what you need.

Does my fat ass make my ass look fat?

So I have been feeling like I'm in a rut. I'm not happy with the way I've been looking lately, my clothes seem to be getting tighter and tighter...I refuse to buy a bigger size. And I know with out him saying so, my poor husband is feeling my low self esteem..So it is my first priority to lose the weight! But hasn't this been my priority since I started gaining it 12 months ago? What I don't understand is why don't I just DO IT? I know I HAVE to make it to the gym at LEAST 3 days a week to start with added walks and activity in between. My days seem so full. I think if I had a partner to sorta help keep me accountable it would help. But there again is an excuse. I have to just commit, period. My diet isn't all that great either, I think if I keep a journal of everything I eat for 2 weeks then I could look back and maybe modify or show myself where I am going wrong. So, that's what I am going to do. Starting TODAY! I am officially setting a goal, right now right here. I'm going to try harder and I WILL participate in the Danskin Triathlon next June. Okay, there it is, written for all to see...
Excuse me while I go enthusiastically start my new regimen (:

Well here it goes, FIRST blog entry. Going to try to journal my thoughts...Nice to have it written down to look back and see what we've learned, how far we've come or remind us of what was important at one time.

Today I woke up tired, I feel alive NOW, after my cherished cup of strong coffee. I've become dependent on my caffeine, sorry to say. Got all the kids ready for school, bundled Isaiah up then dropped the girls off. All the while making a list in my head of all the things that need to be done around my house.
-Christmas decorations
-Laundry
-Animals
-Vacuum/floors
-gym
-Dinner?

Wow, I live such a exciting life. Sometimes I wonder where I'd be if......

I've got so much swimming through my head my fingers can't type fast enough to write my thought down before a new thought comes into my head. I guess I'll have to write several entries to keep up. Or just tame my thoughts and focus, now there's an idea.

My good friend gave Isaiah all theses games and puzzles, that should keep him entertained for many weeks to come. I love recycled toys, clothes, STUFF. What's that old saying? Somebodies junk is another persons treasure? That is sooo true! I give so much away and take so much joy in knowing it will go to good use. As the things that are given to me also. Thank You to all the people that have helped my family over the years with their good 'junk'!



I suppose that's all for now, I will try to focus on a topic for my next blog, or not.